There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
