She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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