currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
