he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
