The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
