Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.