I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.