It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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