Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?

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  (760): Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get? http://tfl.nu/1t41
  Replies (12) Good night (3828) Bad night (639)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.

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  (772): Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix. http://tfl.nu/t7w8
  Replies (7) Good night (4454) Bad night (778)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours

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  (419): You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours http://tfl.nu/i7uw
  Replies (2) Good night (2074) Bad night (675)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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  (410): I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming. http://tfl.nu/sdt5
  Replies (4) Good night (2203) Bad night (773)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?

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  (212): Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'? http://tfl.nu/4fhn
  Replies (18) Good night (1767) Bad night (766)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.

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  (802): No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said. http://tfl.nu/3y67
  Replies (11) Good night (600) Bad night (1400)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!

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  (+64): He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?! http://tfl.nu/rdvw
  Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (1497)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him

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  (254): I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him http://tfl.nu/r8ta
  Replies (2) Good night (1860) Bad night (576)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.

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  (816): Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays. http://tfl.nu/c3h2
  Replies (11) Good night (3053) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool

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  (404): That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool http://tfl.nu/ivmu
  Replies (6) Good night (438) Bad night (995)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.

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  (314): I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault. (1-314): Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/fjsh
  Replies (5) Good night (1304) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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  (781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl
  Replies (1) Good night (1110) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There is an alarming amount of urine in here.

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  (914): There is an alarming amount of urine in here. http://tfl.nu/rii0
  Replies (5) Good night (261) Bad night (712)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

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  (303): It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple. http://tfl.nu/6uwz
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...

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  (330): Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat... http://tfl.nu/3sal
  Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (262)

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