Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Special does not even begin to describe that text.

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  (323): i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet. (918): Special does not even begin to describe that text. http://tfl.nu/d8xn
  Replies (6) Good night (3794) Bad night (1707)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.

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  (902): Her vagina smelled like hockey gear. http://tfl.nu/kiqt
  Replies (39) Good night (719) Bad night (7033)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days

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  (703): Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days http://tfl.nu/tlow
  Replies (25) Good night (5490) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.

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  (631): It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates. http://tfl.nu/ctme
  Replies (19) Good night (1371) Bad night (5216)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.

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  (610): Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon. http://tfl.nu/dlc4
  Replies (21) Good night (2873) Bad night (2402)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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  (727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i
  Replies (37) Good night (5276) Bad night (2165)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?

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  (914): Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave? http://tfl.nu/fkd9
  Replies (14) Good night (3531) Bad night (1255)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.

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  (601): Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall. http://tfl.nu/qd0i
  Replies (7) Good night (2842) Bad night (969)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was

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  (314): Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was http://tfl.nu/b9m0
  Replies (9) Good night (2465) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  next time we drink: battle shots.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.

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  (403): next time we drink: battle shots. (1-403): battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out. http://tfl.nu/hwdw
  Replies (9) Good night (1207) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.

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  (570): I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/odgi
  Replies (5) Good night (1302) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.

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  (206): Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it. http://tfl.nu/nkgr
  Replies (11) Good night (696) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.

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  (970): She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic. http://tfl.nu/fis2
  Replies (3) Good night (1172) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.

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  (843): I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow. http://tfl.nu/m6rb
  Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.

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  (913): Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet. http://tfl.nu/v65u
  Replies (4) Good night (681) Bad night (374)

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