So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow