Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"