Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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