I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
