I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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