But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
