Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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