On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
