Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
