I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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