Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
