My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
