I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
