lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
