I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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