I skipped work to stalk him.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
