god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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