just tell him i said nine months
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize