Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
