Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
