the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude. I can hear the air.
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