White coat. Heels.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
