The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
