Say something about gay babies.
I looked at my own cervix.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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