I love black thongs
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
