1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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