Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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