did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
