yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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