the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
