Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
