the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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