I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
