The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
