found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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