Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
