If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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