I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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