He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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