my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
