Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
