if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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