At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
