I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
