he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize