Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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