Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
