There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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