Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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