My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
