I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
