I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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