Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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