Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
