I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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