the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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