I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
